


The Densest Element

by ShadowBlazer



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, F/F, Plot is for Pansies, crackity crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:04:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowBlazer/pseuds/ShadowBlazer
Summary: Akko notices that something big is bugging Diana--something that has her grinding her teeth every time Akko gets yet another love letter from a smitten admirer or a request to have her babies. Hmmm...maybe it's just the weather.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Halifax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halifax/gifts).



> This is just a short semi-crack fic I wrote for fun. Akko the love detective is...not that great at her job.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or property of Little Witch Academia. Enjoy!

Diana has been brooding.

Even Akko is starting to notice the way she's been scowling more often, the way she taps her fingers against her desk frequently, and the way her brows furrow as if some annoying thought is buzzing through her head. It happens most often when Akko's fangirls swarm her, carrying a shouting Akko in their wake down the school halls while Diana huffs, closes her book, and storms the other way.

Fighting off the monster missile was one thing. Escaping determined witches who want to hunt Akko down for her love is another, and it had the unfortunate side-effect of irritating Diana, whose glare scares some of the more timid, younger witches but not enough of them.

“You were so brave taking on that missile. I think everyone noticed you now. How brave and beautiful you are, I mean.” A girl with long red hair blushes, twirling a strand around her finger as Akko is trying to run past her to class. “I heard that you weren't taken.”

“Uh-huh.” Akko bobs up and down and around the girl who blocks her like a stubborn basketball guard. If she isn't in her seat in three minutes, she is going to be taken to detention. She glances at Diana beside her, who crosses her arms and scowl, impatiently motioning for her to get a move on. “I gotta go! Sorry! I'll talk to you later—”

The girl's eyes light up. She leans in and lays her hand on Akko's arm. Diana's eyes lock onto the contact. She bristles. “Is that a date?”

Diana snaps, “It is no such thing.” She snatches Akko's wrist and hauls her down a hallway of fans who reach out to touch the passing witches like crossing saints. One gets a good grope of Akko's leg. “Honestly, these girls are getting out of control. Do something about them.” 

“What am I supposed to do?” Akko wrinkles her nose. When they're free of the hallway of touchy admirers, she stops and strikes a pose. “It's not their fault that they're smitten by my beauty.”

Diana glowers. “You're an idiot.” She turns, takes a few steps forward before looking back. “You seriously aren't considering dating any of those girls, are you?”

“Well...” Akko does like the attention. “I mean, no. Not at all. I'm not into girls.”

Diana gives her a look. 

Akko frowns. “What?”

Her friend shakes her head and stalks ahead while Akko trails behind. “Seriously, Diana. What?”

The swarming gets so bad that Akko heads to the library to escape them with Diana, who actually insists on studying.

Akko feels like smacking her textbook against her head. “Why do I need to know about the history of Britain?”

Diana sighs, “Knowing the context of how things came to be is critical to understanding our pres—” She looks up, sharply. “Akko, stop making origami.”

Akko pouts and puts down her paper crane. “Seriously, Diana. I'm not going to remember history after we graduate.” She grabs her lunch from her bag and pulls out her lunch.

“Oh, and what will you remember?” Diana's grip tightens on her pen. “Those fans of yours?”

“Don't get me started on them.” Akko groans, “This morning, three girls got into an argument about who was going to ask me out first, and I was trying to tell them that they were going too fast. How about we get to know each other first—-“ She fumbles with her chopsticks for a moment. She glances over to Diana, whose lips thin. “Phew. Anyway, then they started going on about who would have my baby, and I asked, 'How do two women have a baby?', and they said that there's probably a potion for that. If I was looking for someone hot enough to do that with, they would voluntee—”

Diana slams her book shut. She jolts to her feet and shoves it inside her bag, expression tight.

Akko almost puts down her lunch. Almost. “Diana? What’s wrong?”

Diana closes her bag and turns, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She glares at Akko, and the brunette drops her chopsticks at the heat in them. “I don’t like it when you talk about other girls in front of me.”

“W-why? I’m just telling you about my day—“

Diana leans forward, a strange intensity in her eyes that had Akko gulping. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I want all of your attention to myself?”

Akko gapes. Shaking her head is probably not the best response.

Diana stares at her, eyes narrowed, before she slowly turns away and strides out of the library. Akko wonders what the heck got into her friend. She complains about Diana’s weird behaviour to her roommates later that evening.

Sucy doesn’t look up from her book. “Tell your girlfriend you’re sorry and that you’ll pay attention to her next time. Sheesh, it’s not that hard.”

Akko almost falls out of her chair. “Diana’s not my girlfriend!”

Sucy turns a page. “Whatever.”

Lotte breaks in, “What Sucy means to say is that Diana might be feeling slighted that you're not paying attention to her when you're together. Maybe just connect with how she's feeling and see where it goes?”

Sucy scoffs. “Yeah, that's what I said. Go talk to your girlfriend.” She ducks the pillow Akko hurls at her.

Akko goes to find Diana the next day, who manages to seclude herself in a corridor somewhere. “Hey, I'm sorry.”

Diana closes her book. “For what?”

Akko pauses. She didn't think this far. “Because you're mad at me?

“You don't even know why,” Diana sighs. She picks up her book again. “It's fine.”

“No, it's not! You're mad, and it doesn't feel good. It's like I did something.” Akko pouts. “Was it the origami?”

Diana rubs the bridge of her nose. She looks like she has a headache.

Akko pounces forward, hands on Diana's knees who starts and goes pink. “I know! It's because all those girls are so noisy, and they disturb your studying, right?” She pauses and looks around the empty corridor. “Where are your fans?”

“I know how to avoid them.” Diana squirms and huffs softly. She looks away. “Akko, could you get off of me?”

“Wait, why?” Akko leans forward, hands sliding along Diana's thighs, whose breathing grows a little staggered. “Are you calling me fat?”

“I am calling you no such thing.” Diana's voice is strained. “Please. Space.”

Akko frowns and stands back up. “Then, what is it?”

Diana gets up, tucking her book into one hand while she smooths out her skirt with the other. She can't meet Akko's eyes. “Your fans are rude and boisterous, but they're not the reason I—” She pauses. “What did you mean the other day when you said you didn't like girls?” Her voice shrinks slightly. “Do you like Andrew instead?”

Akko makes a face. “He's like my bro. Bros don't like bros.” 

“Oh. I see.” Diana coughs, “Then, what do you like? And please don't say, 'Shiny Chariot or a believing heart.'”

Akko snaps her mouth shut. She throws up her hands. “Well then, I'm all out of ideas.” She scratches her nose. “What about you, Diana? What do you like?”

Diana freezes. Her eyes bulge like she's having an aneurysm. She quickly turns and strides down the hall while Akko stares after her. Well, that was odd. 

Akko complains to Sucy later that night. “Diana's acting weird. She dodges me when I ask about who she likes!”

Sucy looks up from a line of vials. “Are you still on about that? I wonder why.”

“Huh?”

“Akko,” Lotte sighs. “Have you thought about why that might happen?”

Akko frowns. She and Diana were still friends as far as she knew, so it wouldn't have anything to do with their friendship. “She's embarrassed by who she likes?” Is it Andrew? Akko would be pretty embarrassed about liking Andrew.

“On the right track.” Sucy studies a mushroom that spouted from one of her vials and started singing. “So, who could she like that would possibly get that reaction from her?”

Akko thinks hard. “Barbara?”

Lotte exchanges glances with Sucy. She mouths something that Akko swears looks like, “Poor Diana.”

“What?” Akko gets up and crosses her arms. “You guys think I'm too dumb to figure it out, don't you?”

Sucy is deadpanned. “Yes.”

“I'll show you! I'll go find Diana and ask! Then, we'll see who's the dumb one.” Akko storms out and down the corridors towards Diana's room. Except she forgot where her room was, so she wanders the hallways for twenty minutes until she finds herself outside on the grounds. The night is quiet, the clouds are heavy overhead like they might break into rain, and a lone Diana is wandering around outside with her wand out for some reason.

“Diana!” Akko bolts towards her. “I was looking for you.”

Diana jumps and looks back. “Akko? What is it you need?”

“I need an answer to my earlier question about who you like.” Akko jabs the air with her index finger, pointing at a startled Diana. “So, who is it?” she crows, triumphantly. “Is it Barbara or Hannah?”

Diana looks at her. She opens and closes her mouth several times.

Akko smirks. “Speechless, aren't you?”

Diana shakes her head. “Akko, go back inside. I need to finish my rounds, and it looks like you didn't bring a coat with you.”

“Ha! Not a chance. Not until you tell me which one it is.”

Diana slaps a hand to her face. “Neither.” 

Akko's smile slips off of her face. “You sure?” Well, darn. Back to square one. “Can you give me a hint?”

Diana sighs and turns to continue. “Good night, Akko.” She strides forward while Akko protests loudly and keeps at her side, guessing through the entire student body and some professors, which makes funny expressions flit across Diana's face.

The clouds rumble overhead, and in a heartbeat, fat droplets of rain pelt the ground, the school, and the two girls who start running for cover. They duck into a nearby doorway, and Akko wrings out her shirt, lifting it a few inches from her stomach. She pauses and makes a face. “Wait, we're witches. Why don't we just dry ourself off magically?”

Her friend doesn't seem to hear her. Diana stares at Akko's stomach, and the brunette shuffles backwards, feeling self-conscious about those three bowls of ice cream she ate at dessert. “You don't have to stare. I'm working on my abs,” Akko says, defensively.

Diana's brows furrow. She opens and closes her mouth, but no words come out. It looks like she's struggling for words as a flush creeps up her neck. Akko looks down and realizes that her white top is soaked. Oh. Whoops. 

She waves her wand, and the water from her shirt drops away in a splash around her feet, leaving the fabric dry. When Diana keeps staring, Akko frowns, worried that the rain ruined her friend's brain or something, and dries Diana's shirt too.

Diana blinks, seeming to come back to her senses. “Thank you.” She shakes her head as if punch-drunk, slowly coming out of a spell. “What were we talking about?”

Akko is ready. “About the person you like!” She pauses, guessing that it would be someone unlikely, since she named everyone Diana would like. “Is it Sucy?”

Diana pinches the bridge of her nose. She looks like she wants to hurt someone. Badly. “No.”

“Then, who—?'

“You.”

Akko tries to process the word. Her brain breaks. “Huh?”

Diana steps in, her face bathed in the warm glow of the overhead lamps, damp tendrils of hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead. “I like you. Romantically.”

Akko's brain is still broken. “Romantically as a friend?”

Diana sighs, “No, romantically as a potential date and—” She glances at Akko and goes red. “Satisfied?” When Akko doesn't answer, she shakes her head sadly and closes Akko's jaw before leaning to deposit a soft kiss on her cheek. “Good night, Akko.” 

Akko watches Diana walk away into the school. Ten minutes later, she processes what happened and screams.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akko just has to figure out how to respond to Diana's confession. Nothing could go wrong with that, right?
> 
> Right?

Akko bursts into her room after storming into several others and apologizing when she realized the occupants weren't her roommates. “I just found out that Diana likes me! Romantically!”

Sucy puts down a card against Lotte. “You don't say.” She turns to the blonde witch. “By the way, Lotte, did you know that fish swim?”

“Guys! Really!” Akko pauses and stares at them. “You knew?”

Lotte scratches her cheek. “It's not that well-hidden, Akko. I don't think Diana even cares much about hiding it anymore.”

“I didn't know!”

Sucy turns over a card. “Shocker.” 

Lotte shoots her a look before turning back to Akko. “How did you find out?”

“She said that she liked me romantically, and it wasn't as friends.” Akko grimaces. “Maybe I misheard it.”

Lotte looks up. “How did you do that?”

Akko opens and closes her mouth before swivelling to face the window. “Stupid Diana! What am I supposed to do about this?” She frantically paces around the room, wearing a groove in the floorboard before dropping her fist into her palm in an “aha” moment. “I know! I'll find Amanda! She'll know what to do!”

Lotte starts. “But why would asking Amanda help—”

Akko races out the room. She bangs on Amanda's door a few minutes later. “Amanda! I need you!”

Amanda's not as enthusiastic to see her as Akko thought. “What the fuck is wrong with with you? It's ass o'clock at night.” She runs her hand through her stuck-up hair. A lock is sticking straight up from her forehead as if a cow had groomed her. “What couldn't wait until morning?”

Akko forces her way in, shoving a grumbling Amanda aside as the sleepy witch closes the door. Constanze glares at the loud girl before shoving in earplugs while Jasminka snoozes happily in her bed. Considering that it's only ten at night, Akko concludes that old age is catching up with the green team. “Diana confessed that she likes me!” 

“Sure took her sweet time,” Amanda grouses, rubbing the heel of one hand into one eye. “And?”

“And?”

“What did you say in return?”

Akko pauses. “I was supposed to say something?”

Amanda squints at her. “I seriously have no idea what Diana sees in you.” 

Akko flaps her arms in a sort of “Dear-God-help-me” movement. Amanda sighs and motions for her squirming friend to sit. “Okay, let's go over the basics. What happened?”

Akko relays the events over the couple of days, concluding, “Maybe Diana doesn't really like girls?”

Amanda snorts. “Diana likes you. You're a girl. Therefore, Diana likes girls.”

Akko scrunches up her nose. Amanda's logic is flawless. “Why would she like me?”

“Well, you aren't too bad on the eyes.” When Akko stares, Amanda sighs. “You're not ugly.”

“But I don't even like girls!” Amanda stares at her, and Akko wriggles in her seat. “What? Why do people look at me like that?”

Amanda runs her hand through her hair, brushing it back. “Okay, let's go through everything. Diana has the hots for you, and she finally told you. You didn't respond, and Diana walked away. Sounds right?” She sighs when Akko nods. “So, what are you going to do?”

Akko considers pretending nothing happened before shaking her head. “I guess I need to talk to her.” When Amanda nearly falls off of her bed, Akko prompts, “What?”

“I must be more tired than I thought. That almost sounds like a good idea coming from you.” Amanda pauses, her thoughts perking up as mischief creeps into them. She could encourage her friend to take the responsible and reasonable route, or....

“Are you sure Diana will even want to talk to you after you left her hanging like that?” Amanda smirks at Akko's panicked expression. “I mean, she bares her heart out for you, and you say nothing. How could she take that as anything other than absolute rejection?”

Akko's on her feet. “I didn't reject her!”

“Oh? So, you feel the same.”

“No! I mean, not no! I mean, Diana wouldn't think that! We're friends.” Akko laughs before she freezes. “I'll just go talk to her, and we'll figure things out.”

Amanda shrugs. “Don't come crying to me when she walks away from your ass.”

Akko sticks out her tongue. “She won't do that. You'll see!”

Diana does precisely that the next morning when Akko spots her in the hallway. The brunette catches sight of her friend talking with Hannah and Barbara and waves. Diana glances up, and something in her expression flickers before she turns and heads in the opposite direction from Akko.

Akko gapes before running to chase her when Diana's roommates block her path. “Get out of my way. I need to talk to—”

Hannah sniffs, tossing her head back. “We were watching, you know.”

“Yeah. She clearly doesn't want to talk to you.” Barbara leans in, crossing her arms. After a few seconds, her expression softens. “We've been her friends for a while. If she walks off like that, it means she needs space, and it's best for you to give it to her.”

Akko opens her mouth to protest when a mob of girls appear in the corridor. A short-haired blonde leads them with a lovestruck look in her eyes and her finger pointing at her. “There she is! Akko, remember what we said about babies?”

Akko quickly jumps out a window. Later, she finds Amanda napping on her broom in the fields as it lazily carries her across the grass. She jumps on her friend who curses and tumbles down, taking Akko and the broom with her. “Diana's not speaking to me! And I'm not ready to be a mom!”

“What the hell are you talking about, Kagari?” Amanda rubs her head and brushes herself off. “You talked to Diana?” At Akko's teary look, Amanda shakes her head, hiding a grin. “Told you. You're going to have do something big to get her attention now.”

Akko snatches at her hair. “Like what?”

Amanda pauses, thinking about what's the funniest thing she could get Akko to do. “How about a serenade to her while you broadcast it to the entire school? No, you should declare love for her on camera.” She snaps her fingers. “Set a fire. Fires catch girls' attention.”

Akko scribbles Amanda's suggestions on a piece of paper she got from somewhere. “Girls like fires...” 

Amanda smirks and loops an arm around Akko's shoulders. “We got this. Because we're the best of friends, I'm totally going to help you with getting Diana.”

Akko jumps. “I just want to talk to her.”

“Talk to her, get into her pants. Details.” Amanda waves her off. “The important thing is that we gotta catch her attention somehow. Any ideas?”

Akko stammers. “I could just give her a day to think and find her after?”

“Too boring. C'mon, live a little. How about planting a dozen bats in her room? Girls like bats.”

Akko shakes her head. “Maybe we should get Sucy and Lotte to help with ideas. They're smart.”

At lunch, Lotte looks concerned while Sucy grins. It looks rather dark. “Well,” Sucy taps her chin thoughtfully, “the thing that would catch Diana's attention the most is if you were to pretend to date someone else. Like say.... Amanda here.”

Amanda and Akko glare at each other. “Ew!”

“Amanda is just a friend to me!”

“Yeah, and I have standards,” Amanda turns up her nose while Akko protests with a 'Hey!' “How would that work anyway?”

Sucy shrugs. “Well, if you and Akko were to start dating immediately after Diana confessed, she'll know that something's up and she'll be suspicious. However, if it was revealed that you had a secret lover all this time, I bet Diana would definitely be interested in finding out what's going on. Also, this solves the problem with all these fangirls you have on you.” Suzy gestures to the girls just outside their cafeteria windows who look at Akko and sigh. “Like, seriously. They're starting to follow Lotte and me around.” One of the girls waves to Lotte, who awkwardly waves back.

Amanda frowns and points to herself. “Wait, but how does the idea of a secret lover and me fit in?”

“Isn't it obvious?” Sucy sits back. “Pretend to be a boy from Appleton, and go on a date with Akko. She already has a history of showing interest in boys.”

Amanda snorts. “Yeah, well, we all go through phases.”

Akko protests, “Guys, this sounds way too complicated. I just want to grab Diana's attention.”

“Dating someone else would grab it real fast,” Sucy argues. She snaps her fingers. “Like that. Amanda just has to court you for a couple of days before Diana storms over and demands an explanation.”

Akko frowns. “I guess that might work.”

Sucy turns to Lotte. “You're have no objections?”

Lotte turns a little pink. “No, I'm...a little curious to see where it goes. It sounds like it's an idea I could send to Annabel for the next Night Fall book.”

Amanda throws up her hands. “I don't even know what this courting thing is or how to court a girl as a boy.”

“Ask Akko's friend Andrew for help. It's not that hard.” Sucy points out. “I mean, what better way do you have to get underneath Diana's skin?”

Amanda looks pale. “Uh...actually, I changed my mind. Maybe Akko should just wait for Diana to reach out first—”

A girl runs by their table to her friends nearby. “Did you guys hear? Diana is going on a date with Andrew Hanbridge tomorrow. They make such a cute couple!” 

“WHAT?” Akko leaps to her feet. “Hey, what are you talking about?”

The girl looks startled. “I just heard from Diana that Andrew invited him to her mansion for dinner. If that's not a date, I don't know what is.” She and her friends leave while muttering and casting strange looks at Akko who turns a bright red, brows furrowed.

Lotte peers up into her friend's face, noting the compressed lips. “Akko, are you—”

Akko slams her hands down on that table. “We need to stop that date.” 

Amanda smirks. “I thought you weren't interested in her that wa—”

“Amanda, we need to enact Sucy's plan. Like right now.”

The redhead's smile slips off her face. “Wha—”

“Stop being a wimp, and pretend to be my fake boyfriend!” Akko snarls. She grabs Amanda's wrist and hauls the yelping girl to her feet, dragging her out of the hall. “We are going to crash that dinner, and I'm going to give Andrew a piece of my mind.”

Amanda stumbles behind her. “You could just call him first...”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diana contemplates about her life choices regarding Akko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next two chapters are from Diana's perspective, so the style is different from the first two Akko ones.

Diana wonders what she sees in Akko. 

Akko isn't the smartest person in the school—that would be...an understatement—nor is she the most gifted. Nor is she the most eloquent, polite, reasonable, or knowledgeable student that has ever graced Luna Nova's grounds. But Akko has one undeniable trait to her: she's hard to ignore.

When Diana first sees Akko's face in a crowd of students, a strange feeling wriggles in her stomach. She brushes it off as something she ate, and passes by the loud girl, who goes on and on about Shiny Chariot. 

She could have walked on by. Diana should have walked on by. Diana did not and chose to provoke her instead, not knowing why she enjoys the aggravated expressions on Akko's face. Had Diana had her current hindsight, she would have told her past self to pull Akko's hair and throw paper wads to get her attention while she was at it.

Hannah and Barbara titter behind her while they walk away from a befuddled Akko in the courtyard. Barbara flips her hair over her shoulder. “What poor sap would ever date that dummy?”

Diana frowns slightly but doesn't disagree. 

Later, when Diana spots Akko falling during the broom relay, her heart flips like the screaming girl through the air as Diana dives to save her. She tells Akko to stay put and avoid hurting herself, and of course, Akko completely defies her. She ends up racing neck-and-neck with Akko, something awakening in Diana like a fire coursing through her veins with Akko pushing hard beside her, tumbling and twisting on the broomstick like she was born to fly. Diana had a thought that she's grateful Akko never passed her, because that skirt is fall too short for normal school wear, much less flying in front of—

The Love Love Bee incident scares Diana, since she has never felt so out of control before—her heart racing out of her throat at the sight of Akko while her stomach tumbles. When the effects wear off, she brushes her actions aside as the result of the bee. Something niggles in her brain though, causing her to frown for the remainder of the event—some piece of information that she's read before but can't quite remember. 

She latches onto her textbook the moment she gets back, and her stomach sinks at the paragraph about how the bee can create new attractions but a secondary effect was amplifying existing ones. Diana scoffs, shutting the book and putting it in the bottom of her dresser. She has no time for distractions, and she would certainly not be drawn to someone so careless. She was a Cavendish. She had taste, for goodness' sake, like appropriate-length skirts. Unlike someone else she knew.

Diana tells herself there's nothing there, and goes to sleep, ignoring the feeling in her stomach like something flipping over and a tingling through her veins. She was not going to have a crush on Akko Kagari.

What idiot would?

As it turns out, Diana is that idiot. She did it. She fell for the girl with the loud mouth and lack of skill to back it up—the same person who headed a union of faeries with unreasonable demands on the school's energy and got herself disqualified from the Moonlit Witch award.

Diana contemplates writing Akko an anonymous letter to deal with her troublesome feelings, considers anything from a formal invitation to tea to a cold confession to simply telling her to get of Luna Nova. Diana ends up being the one leaving, not without some relief that she would at least get away from the desire to see Akko. But Akko follows her home anyway.

By the time, Akko tells her that Diana should protect her dream, Diana is done pretending. She invites Akko along with her, because she doesn't want to leave her behind again. The situation gets reversed when Akko takes Diana up with her to fight Croix's misguided missile, and Diana had thought, had hoped, that her actions, her clasping of Akko's hand as they fired the Claiomh Solais together, their movements and heartbeats in sync that Akko would FINALLY get why Diana went to such lengths for her.

No such luck. And now, Diana just told Akko that her feelings weren't platonic.

God...darn it.

Diana's heartbeat climbs into her throat as she leaves a flabbergasted Akko behind in the doorway after her confession. She bolts, half-panicked, knowing that running in the halls, especially when others are sleeping, could warrant a detention from—

Diana finds she doesn't really care. She slips into her room, hand over her mouth as if to stifle the betrayal of her racing heart. Hannah and Barbara don't wake from her intrusion, and Diana sighs, wiping a shaky hand over her forehead. 

She shouldn't have just dropped it on Akko like that, but every other attempt to communicate she was interested did not get through. Maybe she should have given Akko that letter that told her to leave or wore a huge bandana that stated, "I WOULD LIKE TO DATE YOU, AKKO KAGARI." In any case, in the morning, Diana would have to do some damage control to ensure that Akko understood the context she meant her words in. 

(Although Diana did not see how they could possibly get any clearer.)

The next day, Diana does as much damage control as she could while fleeing from her crush. About halfway down the hall, she glances back, surprised that Akko isn't following when she spots a mob of girls trying to jump out a window for some reason. When did the world get so insane? Probably around the time she met Akko.

Diana slips into an empty classroom and sighs. She brushes her hair from her face and straightens up. She needs to discuss.... potential romantic strategies with someone—someone who understands what to do with fact that the object of her affection is Akko. AKKO, who can't take a clear hint that someone likes her. Akko, whose current claim to fame at the school is the puttering sounds her broom makes as she flies slowly around the courtyard.

As Diana ponders to whom she should speak, a name pops into her head, and she immediately dismisses it. She's not so desperate to speak to Andrew Hanbridge. She could...write her thoughts out in a journal or in a poem. People did that for those they were fond of, right?

She makes her way back to her room, which is clear of Hannah and Barbara. As loyal friends as they were, Diana would doubt they would comprehend what exactly it is that draws her to Akko, and, to be frank, neither did Diana. Little matter in any case, since Diana is going to write out her thoughts and, hopefully, discover the reason.

She seats herself at her desk, pausing after she pulls her pen and a piece of parchment towards her. She could do this. Diana proceeds to scribble her idea:

“She's not what she seems,  
That girl is so quixotic,  
She's always in a dream,  
Her legs are so erotic—”

Diana stands up and pulls out her wand. Fire bursts forth to burn the parchment to ashes. When the last flame dies, she lights her wand up again and burns the ashes before levitating the remains into the air and casting them out the window where they're blown across the school grounds. 

Okay. Writing poetry turned out to be a failure. Andrew, it is. 

Diana picks up her phone and dials the dreaded number. She hears a greeting on the second ring. “Andrew, I need to see you.” 

“Diana? Is this how Cavendishes ask people out on dates? I expect a proper courtship first with some flowers.” 

“I have no time for foolishness...save maybe my own.” Diana hesitates. “I may have done something brash.”

“Such as?”

“We can discuss that in person.” 

Andrew pauses. “Why do you require my help? Why not simply talk to Akko? Unless she's the problem.”

Silence.

“Oh-ho.” Andrew's voice is soft. “Very well. Come on over tomorrow, and we can chat in private.”

Diana sighs, “Yes, tomorrow night works. Thank you. I appreciate that you didn't make a big deal of it.”

Andrew scoffs, “I am a subtle man when it comes to affairs of the heart.”

Diana hangs up. She brushes herself off and goes to exit her room. She accidentally smashes her door into the faces of couple of her fans who had their ears pressed to the cold wood. She looks at them. They stare back, their eyes widening. Diana takes in a breath when the smallest one bolts past her, hollering like a stuck pig. Startled, Diana misses the rest darting past her, their hands on their hats as they bellow down the halls about Diana seeing Andrew the next night, and Diana quickly follows, trying to dismiss any rumours before they reach Akko.

She doesn't know if she's succeeded. The last thing she wants her...friend to do is something idiotic because she's heard an assumption that wasn't true and decided to act on it. Because she'd do it. She's Akko. 

She stops by the Red Team's room and hesitates before knocking, her cheeks slightly heated. When Lotte opens the door, the bespectacled girl blinks in surprise. “Diana? What are you doing here?”

“Good evening. I was hoping to speak to Akko.”

Sucy doesn't look over from her experiment. “What a shocker.” She yawns and stretches as Diana frowns. “Akko ran off somewhere. Probably to try out another one of those ideas of hers. She'll be back eventually.” 

“It's an urgent matter.” Diana shifts. “You wouldn't know if she's heard anything about a possible meeting between—”

“You and lover boy, Andrew?” Sucy shrugs as Diana stiffens. “Most of the school's heard it by now. I wouldn't be surprised if Akko did.” She pulls her goggles up from her face. “But while you're here, I can ask you a question.”

Diana blinks. “Such as?”

“Why Akko?” Sucy gestures for her to step through, and Diana closes the door behind her. “Don't you have a legion of fans to choose from?”

Diana pauses. “I believe my personal life is none of your business.”

“It's our business when it's our friend.” Sucy sits down, and Lotte nervously shuffles next to her. “Seriously, what is it about her? Cause it's not her smarts.”

Diana picks at something on her sleeve, despite it being immaculate. “Am I to justify everything I feel to you?”

“No, just the things about Akko.” Sucy exchanges glances with Lotte. “As her friends, we can't let you toy with her feelings if that's all it is.”

Lotte winces as Diana inhales sharply. “What Sucy means is—”

“She made herself quite clear.” Diana's voice comes out harsh. She clears her throat. “I assure you that my affections are sincere and genuine...I like Akko.” Heat creeps up her neck and face. “And I'm uncertain why.”

That's a lie. Diana realizes she knows the reason, but they don't need to know that.

Sucy looks at Lotte again, and there's a rapid exchange of expressions that Diana doesn't quite follow. Lotte smiles, and Sucy relaxes. The potion-maker tosses her arms back in a casual pose. “Well, I did my job to confirm. Akko's out there somewhere being Akko.”

Which means she's going to do something stupid. Diana needs to stop her.

“Thank you. If she comes back, please let me know as soon as possible.”

Diana quickly makes her way over to the Green Team's room and asks a mirthless Constanze if Akko was there. Constanze shrugs, and Diana quickly scans the room, spotting only a waving Jasminka and no Amanda.

This could not end up well.

She doesn't find Akko later that night nor the next day, despite searching the kitchen, Professor Ursula's tower, the various locations in the schools that Akko's not supposed to be at, and all the empty classrooms in the desperate hope that maybe Akko stole into one of them to do some learning.

...Diana might be starting to lose it. 

When her search yields nothing, Diana begrudgingly makes her way back to her room to prepare herself for a dinner at the Hanbridge's. Before she leaves her room to the enthusiastic encouragement of her roommates, Diana spots a gift she purchased for Akko sitting on her bookshelf. After a moment of contemplation, she takes it with her. Her driver picks her up discretely at the side of the school, and Diana spends the entire trip staring out the window, wondering where Akko has been today.

When she arrives, Andrew greets her and steers them towards a private dining room that he claims his father uses for small parties and special guests. They make all sorts of expected small talk until dinner is served, and Andrew gestures for the servers to close the doors behind them.

“I expect you'll be shortly discussing what is on your mind.” He turns to her, smiling. “You usually don't call me or accept my dinner invitations.”

“You usually don't invite me.” Diana sips at her tea while Andrew tilts his head in acknowledgment. “Would it really surprise you if I came because I simply needed someone to talk to?”

“What about Akko? You two seem really close.”

“We're not speaking at the moment.” She hesitates and places her teacup down, glaring into its content as if it's withholding answers from her. “I haven't seen her all day, actually.” 

Andrew's brows shoot up. “Is the reason related to why you sought me out?”

“That's correct.” Diana stares at her hands in her lap. Her fingers are shaking. “I told Akko that I had romantic feelings for her, and she had said nothing in return.” She covers her face with one hand. “I admit that I retreated the day afterwards to gather my thoughts and have not been the most receptive to further conversation—”

“Wait.” Andrew leans back, puzzled. “You mean you guys aren't together now?”

“We—why would you assume that?”

“Well, I saw the video of you and Akko destroying that missile together. You guys were perfectly in sync, like partners who have been together a long time.”

Diana shakes her head, cheeks warm. “That was really all the belief and magic being poured into us.” 

Andrew smiles. “Really? It looked like you guys were on the same wavelength—in mind, spirit, and body.” He plays with his glass. “Remember when we came to your home, and Akko had managed to come along as well? You didn't even throw her out like you would have if anyone else showed up at your door unannounced. Say what you may about your friendship, but I have never seen you lose so much control over yourself in regards to an unexpected visitor before. She has a way of getting under your skin, doesn't she?”

Diana exhales. He has no idea. 

He continues, “She was so determined to save you from your own decisions—not even because she liked you very much at the time, but because she felt it was wrong that you should abandon your magical studies. And you agreed, which is why you returned.” Andrew tilts his head, studying her. “Did all of your friends come to persuade you to change your mind? No? If your friends didn't try to change your mind, then why was Akko different?”

“Akko helps everyone. It's just her selfless nature.” Diana swallows. “I don't imagine that I'm much different.”

“As far as I know, Akko didn't finish off that missile with anyone but you. Frankly, it puzzles me that she chose you when she had friends that she knew much longer and with whom she's much closer.”

“That's—” Diana frowns. She recalls Akko tapping Diana herself and picking her to lead the flight to the surprise of the other witches. Lotte and Sucy had smiled while Amanda huffed and said that she was just as good a flyer. “That's a matter of strategy. I was merely the best candidate to assist her.”

Andrew shakes his head. “You are too stubborn for your own good at times.”

Diana doesn't say anything.

Andrew gestures to the box Diana keeps beside her. “In any case, I see that you also brought a package as well. May I inquire what it is?”

Diana's arms feel like stone. After what feels like ages, she forces herself to pick it up and hands it over to Andrew, who peers inside. “A necklace?”

Diana closes the lid. “It's an amulet that I had planned to give to Akko as a charm.”

A corner of Andrew's lip lifts. “And what is the special occasion?”

She looks away. “Cannot friends merely give each other gifts out of camaraderie?”

“Absolutely.” Andrew leans in and lifts a brow. “But you don't. Everything has another meaning if it's from you.” He sits back, locking his gaze on her. “So, Diana Cavendish, what is it about Akko that captures you?”

Diana exhales slowly. Where does she start?

Once, Diana believed that people couldn't change. One was fixed into their place with the movements of the stars, a destiny anchored with expectations and circumstances beyond your control like your station of birth or hair colour. It's ironic, in retrospect, considering that she deals in magic where anything can change.

Akko understands this intuitively with the way she morphs and shifts, stretching her powers and determination everyday like something fluid and elastic. She doesn't say it in so many words. Eloquence is not a notable trait of hers. But in her actions, in the countless hours Diana sees Akko waving her wand in the courtyard, sweat slicking her forehead and matting her hair to her cheeks, Diana sees something in her like an unwavering flame—a belief that anything can change and so can Akko. And Diana.

She notices Andrew after a few minutes in her own thoughts. He smiles at her. “What an expression you have on right now. Poor Diana. You've gone and fallen in love.”

A knock echoes on the door. After a moment, one of Andrew's maids comes in, glancing nervously behind her and chewing her lip. “I apologize, young master, but it appears we have some unexpected guests.”

Andrew frowns while Diana sits up straighter. “Guests? I did not invite anyone else.”

The maid nods. “I had figured as much, but they had threatened to unleash a giant squirrel on us—”

Giant squirrel?

Oh, no. 

Andrew grins and glances over slyly to Diana. “Why don't you bring them in? We could certainly show them our legendary hospitality.”

The maid frowns but nods before backing out of the room. The rise of loud clamours and shouts emerge from down the hallway, and Diana stares at the soup bowl in front of her. She recognizes one of those voices.

Andrew merely looks at her when the voices arrive outside their door. “Time to face the music, Diana,” he says, softly. “Akko, I know it's you. Come in.” 

Akko strolls in a light pink dress, pouting slightly, and Diana's gaze drops immediately to her legs.

Andrew leans in on one elbow. “That's quite a risque length, Miss Kagari. Wouldn't you agree, Diana?”

“Mmmm.”

Andrew grins and glances back at Akko. “And what's the occasion?”

Akko puffs out her chest, showing off the sleeveless top to her dress in addition to a large part of her collarbone, shoulders, and arms. Diana feels hot in places that should not be hot. “I thought I was your friend, Andrew, and you invited Diana to dinner on a date—” Diana nearly chokes on her tea. It was a mistake to try drinking when Akko's speaking. “—and neither of you tell me about it when we're such good friends.” Akko flips her hair over her shoulder, and Diana swallows as her eyes follow the movement over gentle curves and lines. “If you guys were going to announce that you were together, I'd thought I'd do the same.”

Diana's hand clenches around her cup while Andrew whistles. “Have you got a beau, yourself?”

Akko grins and begins pushing open the door behind her. She keeps her gaze on Diana. “Absolutely. I'd like to introduce you to someone special.” She opens the door wider, and boy in a suit with orange hair waltzes in. He bows and kisses Akko's hand, and Diana wants to stab him in the throat. “This is my boyfriend, Armando.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner goes awkwardly. Mildly speaking.

Diana nearly spits out her water, coughing into her napkin while Andrew raises an eyebrow. He studies the smirking boy dressed a neatly pressed suit that seems too expensive for him to own. “I see. I didn't think you were the type to have a boyfriend.”

Akko puffs up. “Why not?”

Andrew exchanges glances with Diana, who crosses her arms and scowls at the smirking new guest. It's clearly Amanda with slicked back hair. What are they trying to pull? “You are welcome to join, Armando...?”

“He” clears his throat. “Armando Saba.” He wraps his arm on Akko's shoulders and brings her in closer while Diana tightens her grip on her glass. “Akko's Armando Saba.”

“That was...evident.” Andrew waves for them to join. “Anyway, any friend of Akko is a friend of mine.”

Diana kicks him under the table, and his eyebrow twitches slightly. She gives him a look, and Andrew shakes his head slightly, mouthing something like, “Trust me” as he winces.

Diana will do no such thing. She turns and glares at Akko whose grin falters. “We need to talk.”

“But we are! Right now!” Akko rubs the back of her neck while laughing awkwardly. Her laughter sounds like a dancer stumbling over their feet. She glances helplessly at “Armando” who shrugs. “We should eat first! Nothing good comes out of talking on an empty stomach.”

“Is this revenge for the other night?” Diana's words come out soft, almost inaudible—a pause that has Akko wincing. “If you don't feel the same, then just say so. You—”

Armando raises an eyebrow. “Feel the same as what? Care to fill the rest of us in?”

No.

“This is ludicrous. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of putting up some ridiculous farce.” Diana stands and makes to leave when Andrew gently grabs her wrist and pulls her back down.

Andrew whispers, “Stay. I have a feeling that there may be more to this than what appears at first glance.” He winks at her, and Diana smothers an urge to jab him in the eye. He raises his voice a little louder. “Why don't you show them the famous Cavendish hospitality? Akko and I already seen it once before.”

“Need I remind you that this is your house, and you are the host?” Diana crosses her arms, sinking her fingers tightly into her skin.

“Armando” smirks. “So, is this how the famous Diana Cavendish treats her guests?”

Diana should not respond to that.

Armando leans into Akko, keeping eye contact with Diana. “Or is it because you want something else right now that you can't have?”

Diana's hand twitches towards her wand. “It's surprising to have guests, but please join us,” she says through gritted teeth as Armando moves to hold out a chair for Akko, the pink hem of her dress ghosting over the top of her thighs as the girl sits down. Diana smiles tightly as waiting servers bustle in with plates of steaming steak on their arms before exiting after a few minutes. “You're such a thoughtful lover. How did Akko, by chance, meet you?”

Both Armando and Akko glance up with wide eyes. Akko recovers first. “At a cafe! In town!”

“Oh? Which one?” Diana notices how Armando quickly turns away and seats himself. “I wasn't aware that there were any cafes within the vicinity of both of our schools.”

Armando coughs, “It's a hole-in-a-wall place that not most people know of. Has the best empanadas I've tasted though.”

Diana pauses. What is an empanada? She files the question away for further research. “I see. How did you two eventually start dating?”

Armando smirks. He leans forward, wriggling his eyebrows. “Well, you know Akko. Can't keep her hands off of any person she likes.”

Andrew glances over to Diana as she stabs a dinner roll rather violently. “Indeed. So, Armando, tell me more. What is it that you find attractive about Akko?”

Armando waves his hand casually. “She's such a free spirit, never caring about how horrible she is at something at first, how much property she destroys, the complete and utter inconvenience she causes her fellow students, the mental anguish—” Akko protests with a 'Hey!' “—but she just keeps going and trying, and there's something about her goofs that's almost charming.”

“That is absolutely true. Her persistence is admirable.” Andrew raises his glass. “To Akko and all of her efforts and failures that enabled her to reach the top.”

Armando mimics his gesture. “Yeah, she really put the 'suck' in success.”

“I would presume that you would treat your 'girlfriend' better in private than you are right now.” Diana's fingers clench around her cup. Her knuckles blanch. She glances around and sees everyone around her staring at her with startled looks. “What is it?”

Andrew shakes his head. “If tones could cut, Armando would already be decapitated.” 

“Diana, are you okay?” Akko chews her lower lip, and Diana stares at the motion. “You seem out of it.”

Andrew chuckles. “I assure you that she's more herself than most times.”

Diana stomps on his foot, and Andrew yelps, turning it into a high-pitched cough. She turns a polite smile onto the pair in front of her. They reflexively draw back like sheep before the gaze of wolves. “Tell us more about you two.”

Armando grins. “Actually, I'd rather hear about you guys.” She glances at Akko, who crams a dinner roll into her mouth. Armando sighs, “I'll go first. Do you guys have anyone on your mind? Like, do you get to choose your partners, or is there some sort of arranged marriage crap?”

Andrew smiles. “As the sole heirs to prestigious families, there is a fair amount of pressure to marry well and continue the lineage. Wouldn't you say, Diana? How many times has your family questioned you about finding a man?”

Diana's face twitches. She shoots a nasty look at Andrew. “They understand that in these modern times, there are various ways to bring about children other than... traditional methods.”

Akko's head pops up from her mangled steak. “What does that mean?”

Diana's hands clench at her dress under the table. Her heart hammers, though she keeps her tone level. “It means that there are magical and non-magical means for...procreation. In-vitro fertilization is a possibility for human couples. For witches, there are potions and spells that can be conducted.”

“Oh! I know about that!” Akko waves a piece of medium-rare steak around on her fork. “A girl sent me a detailed letter once about how it could be done and where to meet her for a demonstration. Lotte talked me out of meeting that girl to see how it's done.”

Thank Lotte.

Diana clears her throat. “Those rituals are very complex. I'm surprised you understood them so well.”

“They had pictures.” Akko's face flushes. “Uh...very graphic ones. Sucy suggests I burn the letter.”

Diana makes a note to send Lotte and Sucy a gift basket in thanks. “In any case, there are options available.” She sips at her tea. “What about you, Andrew?”

Andrew hums. “If I may admit something embarrassing, I would say that I slightly fancied Akko here for a bit, though that passed. I understand what a fine gentleman like you would see in her.”

“Yes, fine gentlemen likes us have exquisite taste.” Armando places a hand on Akko's back, who stiffens, and slides it down slowly.

Oh, for—

Diana stands up. “I know it's really you, Amanda, and I have no idea why you insist on disguising yourself or pretending to date Akko.” 

“You saw through this?” Amanda looks flabbergasted before quickly composing herself. “Pretending? What makes you say that?”

“I have never seen any romantic interactions between you two, and Akko has better taste than that.” Diana points at the orange-haired girl. “You're a kleptomaniac!”

Amanda smirks and places a hand on her chest. “Oh, Diana. You think the only thing I steal are items?” She takes Akko's hand and kisses it. “I steal hearts too.”

Andrew pulls Diana back down. She glances over, and realizes that she already pulled her wand out. He gestures to the pair. “Diana has a point. If you two are really dating, prove it. Go ahead. Kiss each other.”

Amanda goes slightly green. So does Akko, who blurts, “I'm old-fashioned! I'm waiting for marriage!”

Amanda slams her palms down on the table. “Me too! I need to protect my chastity!”

Right.

Diana sighs and sinks back into her seat, rubbing her forehead. “I have no idea what your intentions are behind such a ridiculous show, but this is a waste of a time. Let's just end this pretense and—”

Amanda looks at Akko. Akko stares back like a wide-eyed deer.

“Oh, goddammit,” Amanda hisses before she yanks Akko into her. Their kiss looks painful, and Diana winces when she hears the clatter of teeth banging together. When they don't pull away for several moments, Diana feels her stomach twist violently with a sudden urge to hex Amanda into a jellyfish rising. When they finally let go, Akko reels back, gasping while Amanda dives for the nearest glass of water, horror on her face.

Diana stands up. She yanks her wand out of her purse, setting Andrew's coat alight to distract the yelping host before she aims it at Amanda, who goes pale with a mouthful of water. “She deserves better than you. Metamorphie Faciesse!” she hisses before Akko tackles her just as her wand fires a jet of green light. It misses Amanda...but not her leg.

Amanda hollers and collapses to the ground, her right leg flattening under her trousers as her brown shoe falls away. “What did you do?” There's an awkward squelching noise as she turns, like she's lying on something squishy.

Diana twists away from a gaping Akko, feeling heat rush into her cheeks. “I had intended to make your appearance match how slimy you were on the inside.”

Amanda stares before reaching down with shaking fingers to grasp the right cuff of her pants. She peels back the fabric and shouts.

Diana shoves Akko off and turns, grabbing her purse as she storms out the dining hall doors. She marches past the confused maids and butlers, heading down the carpeted hallway, down the main stairs, and into the courtyard where something strangled sounds from her throat. 

Why did she lose her composure like that?

The sounds of doors slamming open reaches her. Diana doesn't turn around when she hears the familiar clatter of steps reach her. They stop behind her, and the silence that stretches between them lasts so long that Diana felt herself die between the seconds.

Akko's voice comes out softly. “You know, you're making a habit of running away from me whenever we need to talk.”

“I'm surprised you had time to notice with Amanda draped all over you.” Diana's fists clench at her side, and her eyes begin to burn. She takes a breath and forces out an even tone. “What was the point of humiliating me like that?

“It wasn't supposed to be that. Sorry if that's how it came across,” Akko sighs. “I just wanted to get your attention.”

“You already had it.” Diana turns and seats herself on the stone edge of the central fountain. “You always did.” She covers her face with her hands, feeling wetness in her eyes and squeezing them shut.

A rustle of fabric catches her ear, and Diana feels warmth at her side. Akko leans over as Diana watches out of the corner of her eye.

Akko pauses before opening and closing her mouth, stuck on what to say for the first time Diana's seen her. When the silence grows too heavy, she clears her throat nervously. “I thought Amanda's new octopus leg was pretty cool.”

Diana locks her gaze on her shoes while her ears burn. The octopus idea was stupid. She should have stuck with the jellyfish hex.

Akko blabbers on, because that's what Akko does when she's nervous. “Can you turn her back? I tried, and I think I made it worse, but Amanda said, 'no way. Suction cups are cool.' after she got used to it. This is Amanda though, so I don't think it's good to let her continuing having special sticky powers—”

Diana stares down at her fists clenched in the fabric of her dress, fingers twisting in fine silk. “Why did you kiss her?” She closes her eyes and counts to three. “What is the point of this charade? To punish me for my confession?”

“No! I just wanted to talk to you.” Diana's heartbeat stumbles over itself when she feels Akko's breath on her cheek. “But you didn't want to talk to me.”

Diana nearly snarls, “I would have done so!”

“When, Diana? When you were busy running down the hall away from me?”

“It's not like you needed me anyway.” Diana can't keep the bitterness out of her tone. “Not when you have so many girls vying for you.”

Akko places her hands on her hips and glares. She smirks suddenly before flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Did it ever occur to you, Diana Cavendish, that the only girl I want vying for me is you?”

Diana stares at her. “Did you just imitate me?”

“So, what if I did?” Akko's face goes red. “The point stands! Maybe you're not the only one with a secret.”

“Oh?” Diana's voice goes quiet. “Is there something you need to confess to me?”

Akko rips her gaze away and glares at a suddenly fascinating pebble on the paved path in front of her. “I...I called Andrew after I heard you were going to dinner with him.”

That's not the confession Diana was expecting.

Akko continues, “And I was so mad hearing it that I told Amanda to be my fake boyfriend to make you jealous.”

Unfortunately, it worked.

Wait.

“Why were you mad?”

Akko glances away. “Anyway, Andrew said that you called him to talk about something, and he had no idea what people were talking about in regards to a date and that I should think better of you as my friend.” Her shoulders slump. “He was right. I'm sorry, Diana. I just wasn't thinking, because the thought of you going out with someone else made me see red.”

Oh.

Diana's pulse flutters in her throat, and she feels her mouth dry. “W-why do you think that is?”

Akko scrunches up her nose, and Diana's ability to reason dissipates from her head at the sight. So cute. “I... I don't really understand why, but it really bothers me when someone else might like you. So, I guess I know how you feel now.” Akko glances at her feet, cheeks pink. “So, yeah. I'm an idiot.”

“You're not an—” Diana changes tactics. “Wait, if Andrew already cleared up everything, why did you go through with having Amanda pretend anyway?”

“Oh! Well, Andrew actually encouraged it, since it takes nothing short of apocalypse to get you to say how you really feel. I was surprised and asked if he thought it was a bad plan, and he was like, 'Of course, it is. I just want to see how it ends.'”

...Diana is going to have words with Andrew very, very soon.

Akko scratches her cheek. “It worked in a way. We're talking, aren't we?” She smiles at Diana, the soft light emanating from the fountain casting her features in a dreamy way. Diana feels like she's falling even further.

Diana glances away. “Every time I think I have you figured out, you keep surprising me.” She stands up, taking a few steps forward with a surprised Akko anxiously following suit. “So, what is your answer to my declaration?”

“To you saying you like me?” Akko frowns as if working out a complex puzzle. “I guess I'm okay with it.”

“...Akko.”

“No! I mean—” Akko flails, her fists clenched and face red as she struggles for words. “—I don't mind it if it's from you. I...kind of like it.” Akko glances down and tugs at her dress, the hem just barely covering the top of her thighs, which does not help Diana's thinking process at all. “It's just hard to believe that you like me of all people.”

Diana inhales sharply. “I see.” She turns around and places her hands on a startled Akko's shoulders. “Then, allow me to prove it. I’ll show you that I am a better kisser than Miss O'Neill.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akko and Diana get to kiss, and Akko finally gets that Diana's romantically interested in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Akko's perspective to wrap up the story.

Akko stares. “Eh?”

Diana clears her throat, pauses, and then clears it again. “I believe I made my meaning evident.”

“N-no! You did! I just—” Akko waves her arms in place of using words. She really needs to work on that. “—wasn't expecting that!” What if Diana kisses her and finds out that Akko is a terrible kisser? Or worse, what if Akko lunges forward, smashes their noses together and bangs teeth onto teeth, and Diana has to go to her dentist for a chipped front tooth?”

Or what if Akko is so bad that after kissing her, Diana decides to never like girls again and goes back to boys? Akko could be that horrible. SHE COULD ABSOLUTELY BE THAT BAD.

“U-um. Can it wait until the first date?” Akko scrambles for words. “I'm kind of shy.”

Diana gives her a look, and Akko flushes in embarrassment. “Really.”

“I mean—” Akko's brain stumbles over itself. “O-okay. Close your eyes.”

Diana freezes. A wave of red creeps up her neck and cheeks. “I thought I would be the one kissing you,” she says, a little bashfully. 

“Do you want to?” This would be so much easier. Akko just has to stand there and pucker up, right? Maybe she should ask Amanda. Amanda has kissing experience...even if it's with Akko herself.

Wait, no. She got into this mess, because she asked Amanda in the first place. Hmm....decisions.

“Akko.” Diana's tone cuts into her thoughts. “Please. Focus.” 

Akko turns towards the flustered blonde girl.

Diana stares at her, lips slightly parted, something flickering in her expression as she scans Akko's mouth, her face. She leans forwards before sinking back onto her heels, the pupils in her eyes dilating as the line of her mouth wavers. There's a look in her eyes like thin glass on the verge of breaking, and Akko grabs her hand instinctively. Diana inhales sharply but doesn't pull away. She doesn't hide her trembling.

Akko has never seen Diana Cavendish look so vulnerable before—almost weak and defenceless in the onslaught of her feelings. “I've never seen you so scared.”

“You didn't see me when I thought you had fallen to your death,” Diana murmurs. “When that missile had knocked you down, I—”

Akko squeezes Diana's hand, which start shaking. “Hey, I'm fine. The broom caught me.” 

“Even so, I had never felt so helpless in my life as I watched you spiral out of view.” Diana wipes at one eye. “Or rather, I hadn't until now.” She looks at Akko.

Oh.

Well.

OKAY, FINE.

Akko goes for it. 

She darts into a surprised Diana and presses their mouths hard together, smushing Diana's nose into her as she rises on her tip toes to kiss the taller girl. 

Diana jumps and makes a strangled sound. She freezes as if terrified that a sudden move would end the moment, and Akko is left adjusting the pressure of her lips to figure out if Diana likes it or not. It's like kissing a warm statue, which is kind of unsettling, but out of the two awkward kisses she's had in her life, this is definitely the better one. 

After a few seconds, Akko pulls away while a red-faced Diana looks like she's trying to remember how to breathe. Diana blinks and touches her lips. She doesn't say a word.

“Well?” Akko clenches her fists. “Was I bad?”

“Y-you...” Diana's words seem caught in her throat. She turns her face away, hiding her expression behind a curtain of hair. “It's not bad, but you could use some practice. I—” The tips of her ears go pink. “—I will volunteer to help you.”

Akko scrunches up her nose. She needs help? Is that what Diana meant or....? “I need help in kissing?” She could ask Amanda. Or maybe Sucy.

Diana smooths down the front of her blue dress, almost identical to the one she wore to the Love Love Bee incident. She says nothing while Akko puzzles out her words. 

An idea lights up in Akko's head. It almost hurts like trying out a new stretch. “W-wait. You mean you want to kiss me more?”

“That was the idea.” Diana turns away from the fountain and makes her way back towards the polished oak doors that lead into the main atrium. She pauses and tilts her head slightly back, the bright red of her right ear clashing with her blonde and teal strands. “Are you coming?”

Akko gapes before shaking her head and following her. “Wait, Diana. Can you, like, be clearer in the future about how you're feeling? Are we dating now? Diana? Diana?'

\--

The day after the dinner, Akko frowns as she pours through the book Andrew gave her titled, “How to Win Girls for Bros.” She sits in the dining hall with Sucy, Lotte, and Amanda with a hood pulled over her head to avoid someone spotting her bright hair. The three of them give each other looks with raised brows every time Akko goes through the book.

Lotte hesitates before speaking at last. “Akko, are you sure that's the best book you should use to learn about this topic?”

“Absolutely. This is from Andrew! He never lets me down!” Akko pauses. “Well, except yesterday when he said we should continue our plans.”

Amanda snorts, “It got you a girlfriend, didn't it?” She glances around the hall before winking and pointing at her right leg, covered in black tights as something wriggles and ripples beneath the surface of the black cotton. Lotte leans away while Sucy hunches forward with interest to examine the squishy limb. “And it got me this sick octo-leg. Now, if I can avoid Diana Cavendish for the rest of my academic career, I'll be good to go.”

Amanda had slipped out by the time Diana and Akko returned to Andrew's private dining hall with said host frowning at his wall from the suction cup marks left against the brown paint and part of the ceiling. Diana proceeded to shoo Akko out of the room, so she could speak with Andrew alone. After a few long minutes with Akko hopping impatiently outside the room, Diana exited and told Akko they were going home while Andrew came out and apologized for encouraging poorly thought-out endeavours. Akko swore that his eyes looked terrified, and tufts of white hair were starting to grow at his temples. Andrew looks like he lost several years of his life in that short conversation. 

Diana stormed out, commanding Akko to come back with her to Luna Nova, and Andrew slipped her a thin, blue book while he mouthed the words, “Good luck” and winced. Akko managed to hide the book in her dress from Diana as they flew back to the school grounds, Diana saying something the entire way about using false pretences to trick someone into confessing and about a plan to improve Akko's kissing. The brown-haired witch didn't miss how red Diana's ears go with the latter topic, which is why she's scanning through Andrew's book with frantic energy of someone who knows they don't have much time left. 

Akko is that bad.

Akko glares at her friends. “Guys, I'm trying to study!” She scribbles a note in the margins as she reads a passage aloud. “If something you did something to mess with her and you ask her if she's mad, and she says no, what she actually means is 'yes.' Sucks, bro.'” She flops onto the cafeteria table and tosses the book to the side. “Girls are so confusing. I should go back to boys.”

Amanda sighs, “Akko, you were never into them.”

“But Andrew—”

“Was a phase. Get over it.” Amanda spots Diana walking in and flinches. “I'm...I'm going to go now.”

Akko has never seen Amanda hobble away so quickly. Diana should really fix that octopus leg.

Sucy and Lotte glance at each other and pack up their stuff as well. 

Akko protests, “Hey! You guys don't have to go too.”

Lotte smiles. “Sorry, Akko, but it just feels like we should give you guys some space to yourself.”

Sucy waves as she follows Lotte. “Yeah, your girlfriend looks like she wants to talk to you.” 

“She's not my—”

Diana arrives beside her, hair bouncing on her shoulders as she sweeps it back with a casual gesture, watching Akko's friends leave the hall. “I'm going to have a talk with Miss O'Neill too very soon.” She turns to her. “What were you about to say?”

“Uh...” Akko's face heats like it's on fire. “Are we dating?”

“Isn't it obvious?”

No. 

It is not. Why can't Diana just say what's on her mind? Akko needs to consult the bro book on how to ask her.

Diana pulls said book from the table and scans through it briefly before pressing her wand to the book's cover. The tip glows a bright red before the flames burst forth in a rush and onto the book. The students around them stare and edge away from Diana Cavendish wielding fire.

Akko lurches forward to put it out, but Diana keeps her back with a hand on the frantic witch's chest and a glare. “But why?”

“I thought you understood from our talk last night—” The one where Diana lectured her the entire ride home? “—that taking relationship advice from questionable sources is hardly a sensible action.” Diana glowers at the remaining ashes and raises her wand again when Akko grabs it, and Diana flushes. She clears her throat and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, turning away. “And besides, if we have something we both need to work out, why don't we talk it out first?”

“Like...like—”

Diana looks around at the staring students before grabbing Akko's hand and dragging her out of the hall into a secluded corridor. On their way, they pass by a small squad of Akko's fans who reach out to her as Diana snarls at them. They flinch back and scatter at Diana's glower like mice fleeing from a cat while the blonde witch mumbles something about getting to them later. After a few minutes and two staircases, she turns into the corridor and faces Akko, letting go of her hand. 

“We can talk in solitude here. To continue our discussion from before, yes, we should talk things out like we're actually girlfriends.” Diana glances at her before quickly turning away, a blush creeping up her neck and cheeks. “I-if you want to be.” 

Akko thinks very hard. After a moment, she realizes that Diana couldn't be clearer. “But I'm awkward and clumsy and not as good of a spellcaster as you are! And I made up this stupid plan and ended up hurting you, because I liked you too but didn't realize that was how I felt—” Wow, way to sell yourself, Akko. “And I don't even have the book anymore to figure out how to kiss—”

Diana places a finger on Akko's lips. “I like you just the way you are, Akko Kagari. You're forgiven. As for kissing...” She leans in, smiling gently. “Shall we practice now?”

Akko gapes. Her brain kicks in after a few seconds, and she nods rapidly and moves in while Diana steps closer.

Akko would have to be the biggest moron in the world to turn down Diana Cavendish a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining me on this fun and cracky ride. This story was originally meant to be a one-shot and quickly blew out of control :)


End file.
